I go out for a jog. Wait, let's pause before I continue and you think I'm this great fit person who exercises. Quite the opposite I assure you. Some think I'm slender, my older sister would disagree and say I could do well with a few kilos off. I switch between jogging and walking as I'm out of breath after 3 rounds in the basketball field. Not so fit, see. But I manage to keep a good pace as I outwalk an older girl who's content with her slow pace, surely thinking of deeper issues as my self centred thoughts are residing.
Having finished with an anatomy exam this morning, I try to brush away thoughts of it. Another girl might contemplate on which muscles are acting on her joints as she's walking because we've just finished the lower limb. But I do not. My thoughts wander to the book Im reading, The Hunger Games. How fast would I react when confronted with a life or death situation? My odds aren't good I tell myself. I fasten my pace, trying to shed off some fat that I've been eating for lack of food options around. The girl in the book is so sure of herself even though she won't acknowledge it. Storming off and slamming doors, not caring that she appears hostile and push people away. Huda-centered thoughts tell me that I can be or maybe am hostile but rarely show it to people. But why? I mean strangers who don't know you, why should they have a certain image of you?
Self insecurity is the last thing on my mind I want to attack me so I focus on keeping a steady pace and not losing balance and falling off. I hear a girl shouting something as her friends start laughing, it was in paki and I had my headphones on so I had no idea what she said but it did register in my mind that she was cheering for me to keep at it. I ignore as I don't know the girl well enough to afford looking like a fool in front of her. Plus I need this time by myself unconcerned with what they might say or think. As much as I can manage that.
Good night!
No comments:
Post a Comment